Requiem for a Laugh
by GojiraCipher
Summary: Yep, this is not the actual 'Requiem for a Loud' by UnderratedHero. I am taking this sad and depressing story and changing it into my own twisted image. Watch, or read, as I take every single heartbreaking moment and corrupt them into utter laughter. But seriously, please support UnderratedHero's actual story.
1. What Can Possibly Go Wrong

**Requiem for a Laugh**

 **Chapter 1** : What Can Possibly Go Wrong

On a fantastic day in Royal Woods with a bright smiling sun beams on all the carefree people, Lincoln Loud was playing soccer with his sister Lynn, or in those other none-Merica countries call it, Football. Hmph, uneducated swines.

"Boy, it sure does suck to be the black sheep of the family." said Lincoln. "Since I am the only boy and the butt at every joke, I know this because my fans says my sisters hate me, despite the scientific facts on fanfiction and deviantart saying I am romantically connected to every human being."

"I'm the sports girl." Lynn says as she kicks the ball to Lincoln.

"Can my life get any worse?" That's when the soccer ball hit Lincoln in the face, knocking him down and giving him a nose bleed.

"Ha!" Lynn laughed. "It's funny because you were inspired by Charlie Brown, or was it that guy on Two and a Half Men?" But then Lynn noticed something off with Lincoln. "Link?"

"Hayah!" Link spoke.

"I think he needs a fairy." Lynn pointed to her brother as Link gave the boy a bottled fairy.

"You O.K.?" asked Lynn.

"Yes."

 **The End**

* * *

 **Meanwhile in an Alternate Universe**

"Lincoln, get up!" Lynn shook the motionless body of her brother. "No! He's dead! I'm a murderor!"

"What happened?!" the rest of the Louds showed up to see Lincoln on the ground. "Lynn, did you kill your brother?" Rita scolded the girl as she waves her finger.

"We need to get him to the hospital!" Lana shouted as she and Lola started to cry.

But luck was on their side for this moment, as a magical phoenix swooped in and carried Lincoln away to the hospi… no, just to its nest with hungry babies.

 **The End**

* * *

 **Meanwhile in an Alternate Universe**

And so Lincoln was transported to the hospital, where the boy stayed unconscious for a while.

"Girls, I think it's time for you all to go home." Lynn Senior said with his worried wife standing next to him.

"But why?" Lori asked as the other kids (minus one) beg them to stay.

"Because Luan won't stop making death jokes." Lynn gestured to the fourteen year old.

"Well I guess Lincoln is hitting the grave early. What's the matter, an Egyptian cat got your tongue? Ha ha ha, get it?"

"Ugh, on it." Lori said as Luna and Lynn helped carry the cackling Luan away.

"Hey you two, get in here." Lincoln's doctor called out, Dr. Hoffman. "I have something to tell you. It's a secret." Dr. Hoffman brought them in, where Rita Loud instantly hugged her son. "I have good news and bad news." Dr. Hoffman spoke in a sad tone. "Bad news, we're all out of cranberries. But good news is that your son is gonna die …. Wait a minute."

"What?!" Lincoln shouted as the parents gasped.

"I … it can't be!" Rita cried out.

"Yep." Dr. Hoffman confirmed. "That's why i said your son is gonna die ….. It means that your son is gonna die …. dumbass."

Lincoln felt his beating chest. "How long do I have?"

"Where am I?" asked Hoffman. "...Oh look who's here, the kid with white hair that will die in a week."

"A … a week?

"Yes, my boy. A week. As in one ….. Two ….. Three ….. Four …. Four and a half … Five …. Six ….. Six …. Six ….. Hey, can I have your soul to pay off the devil? ….. Seven …. Eleven ….. Twelve …. Thirteen ….. Fourteen ….. Minus seven …. Seven …...seven, seven days you have left."

 **The Next Day**

"Oops, looks like you had only a day." Dr. Hoffman stands before a dead Lincoln as his parents hugged their lifeless boy. "Anyone want Dunkin?"

 **The End**

* * *

 **Meanwhile in an Alternate Universe**

Lincoln is now looking out the window in his despair.

"Well then ….. Sucks to be you." Dr. Hoffman came in. "White hair is for old farts only, like me. I have white hair, but that's because I'm old. So so so old. If only that white hair meant that you were adopted, and not because your were literally born to die." Dr. Hoffman looked at Lincoln in the eyes. "If you want my advice, never ever grow old. Oh wait."

Lincoln dropped his head.

"Uh oh, spaghetti-Os." Dr. Hoffman placed his hand on Lincoln's shoulder. "Just letting you know, this is as far as I go." Lincoln looked up at the man without the slightest idea what he's talking about. "I'm no pedo you sick sick boy! I don't care if the other Music King has been dead since years, you filthy sinner!" He stood up. "Just deal with it and hang out with your sisters. I'm going to leave this show now and get back to my own show. No wait, the Game Grumps gave up on my game. My game and no one else! And cranberries, they're all mine!"

As soon as Dr. Hoffman left; Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, and Lynn came in and started crying along with Lincoln, well minus Luan again.

"Geese, Lincoln, never realized you were so messed up in the head."

 **End of Chapter**

"I'm back!" shouted Dr. Hoffman. "I just walked into Derek and Angie banging each other in the closet. That is so messed up, there should be strict gun control in closets everywhere. And guns should be remodeled. I swear the one Derek had looks like one of those aliens in that alien movie."

Then a xenomorph tackled Dr. Hoffman to the ground.

"Well lookie here. I'm dead. That means I'm not going to show up for the rest of the story."


	2. At Least It's Not Raining

**Chapter 2:** At Least It's Not Raining

"Girls, there something I really need to ask." Lincoln said to his five older sisters who were still crying. "I need you to-" But then a sudden vacuum was turned on. "What the-" Next thing he knew, Leni was trying to clean Lincoln's ear with the vacuum's hose.

"Leni, what are you doing?" Lincoln asked as Leni began irritating him.

"I'm trying to suck up all the tumblrs, silly." Leni said with a bright smile as she sticks the hose in Lincoln's ear. "Maybe I should try the nose."

Lori swats the vacuum away. "First of all, they're called tumors."

"Hard to tell the difference!" Luan laughed.

"Second of all, they're in Lincoln's head."

"Oh, I get it." Leni smiled, after she took out a chainsaw. "Hold still, Linky."

Lynn pulled the power tool away. "He's going to die and there is nothing we can do about it!"

"Oh don't worry, this isn't canon. So we don't have-" Leni then became absent in the next scene.

"Look, girls. I …. I don't want to tell the others just yet. I just can't handle anymore for now."

* * *

"He's fine." Lucy told Ronnie Anne. "If he wasn't, he would be wise to tell us. Or else the sudden delayed knowledge shall deprive all meaning of my life in this world of light. Will be most suitable to end my flame on April Fools by one of Luan's instruments of sadistic torture. It shall be lovely."

Ronnie Anne slowly walks away.

* * *

"Please, do it for me." Lincoln said with big puppy dog eyes. "Pleeeeeeeaaaaasssssssse."

"I already posted this on NoLifeBook." Lori said. "It's already getting … hate comments?!" Sweat literally fell off her face like bricks as Lori checked her profile. "I put a laughing face!? I wanted a sad face! …. No no no no! Don't break up with me Bobby!"

After a while of Lori desperately trying to contact Bobby, the rest of the Loud House visited Lincoln.

"Lincoln!" Lola and Lana tackled Lincoln.

"I'm going to be on Kids in Tiaras!" cheered Lola. "And all the middle-aged unmarried adult men judges with no concern for personal health will adore me!"

"I was in the sewers and got this cool rash!" Lana showed Lincoln her arm with purple spots. "And everyone I passed by were getting these spots too!"

Then Lincoln caught the disease and instantly died.

 **Meanwh-** Eh, I should retire this running gag now. … I'll gather the Dragon Balls.

So after Lincoln was revived, he repaid me back my stabbing me in the back. He sued me in court for apparently wasting the last two of my wishes on a rare game console and a social life.

"Well that was annoying." Lincoln walked back into the hospital and laid back in bed. "So where was I?" He looked at his twin sisters. "Oh, yes. Those pictures look-"

"Wait, wait, what in the name of science just happened?!" Lisa called out. "You just contracted an unknown disease and died, then the very next second, you somehow teleported out of the bed and returned to this room in perfect condition, minus the fact that you're going to die from-"

Lynn then threw Lisa out the window like a football.

"Lincoln?" Lucy spoke up.

"Hey, Lucy, how are-"

"You will never lie to your cute and adorable little sisters, right?"

"Me?" Lincoln nervously asked. "Of course not."

"I hope not." Lucy turned away. "It would be a horrible mistake if you didn't tell us if something is wrong with you."

Lincoln started sweating when the twins looked at him with huge puppy-dog eyes. "N-N-N-Noooooooooooooooo."

"O.K., I believe you." Lucy said.

"Hey, that's my joke." said a plate of pancakes. "You broke my heart, and the pieces are being sucked into darkness within darkness."

"Hey, pancakes!" Lana smiled as she chowed down on the pancakes.

"Ouchie ouchie."

"Well I better hit the hay." Lincoln rubbed his head. "I really need to-"

"Lynn, you just killed Lisa!" Rita shouted as she look out the window as sirens go off. "You are grounded for a whole week!"

After they all left, Lincoln … oh wait, Lisa is important in this. She needs to fail miserably at finding a cure for Lincoln. Here's a 1-Up Mushroom.

"What just happened now!?" Lisa said from on top of a wreck car ….. THAT'S MY CAR! I swear if the insurance company screw me over…. Rrrrh, don't have time for this!

Yadda yadda, Lori brought Lincoln to a playroom. "You play here while I beg Bobby to come back to me." Lori left Lincoln with the room with a few kids doing their own things …. And the Grim Reaper just happen to be the caretaker.

"Well isn't this some _grim_ symbolism." Laughed Luan from somewhere.

Lincoln looked at a console and started playing Sonic 06.

"Really, we're making fun of this dead horse?" Lincoln asked while a bald kid walked up to him.

"That game is very glitchy." spoke the bald boy.

"Would work better with Boom." Lincoln tossed the controller away.

"My name's Adrien." the boy answered. "Adrien Agreste. I'm going to die from-"

"NO!" Then Ladybug swung in through the window. "Nope nope nope!" She then grabbed Adrien's mouth and forced feed him a Full Restore.

"Ladybug, you saved me?" Adrien asked as Ladybug drags him away.

"Wait, wait, can I have …" Lincoln watched as Ladybug swung away with Adrien in his arms. "One?" Lincoln winced at the two colliding into a building, which had something to do with a quick kiss from Adrien.

"What's next?"

"I'm here too." Deadpool showed up. "Dying? I know the perfect cure." Deadpool handed the boy a ticket. "I have a very special sequel that-"

"I think we had enough crossovers." Lincoln rolled his eyes. "And I'm too young-."

"To die!" Luan laughed.

Deadpool folded his arms and shook his head. "Oh I doubt that, Charlie Brown." He leaned close to Lincoln. "I doubt that ….. Watch Deadpool 2."

"I'm going home."

The next day, Lincoln was brought home by his father who immediately left for work, leaving him and Lori alone.

"Lincoln, I really need to find Bobby and beg him to come back to me, are you sure you don't want to come?"

"No." Lincoln waved his arms. "I …. I really don't want to get into any love drama right now."

"Understood." Lori quickly hugged Lincoln and left, then out of dumb luck, Bobby came.

"Babe, how could you be celebrating your own brothers' death!?"

"That smiling face was a mistake." Lincoln corrected the boy.

"Oh." Bobby said as he kneeled down. "Lincoln, I really don't think I have anything to say, except that God is with you."

"God?" Lincoln asked. "Wouldn't he-"

 **CUT**

* * *

"Alright, how are we going to handle this?" Lincoln asked all his sisters at a business meeting. "How are going to handle Christianity in this parody?"

All the girls had little to no interest as they seemed too busy with smaller things.

"I guess I can write a christian rock song afterwards." Luna felt her hair. "Man, my hair is short."

"I will throw a banquet for all our God people friends." Lola said as she pretends to sip tea.

"Just make sure your announcements aren't too _preachy_!" laughed Luan.

"Hey, this book has a talking snake!" Lana smiled. "And all these people wear leaves."

"Hail satan." said Lucy.

"Yeah yeah yeah." Lynn spoke up after Lucy. "I say we get all the tough guys from the Bible and have them all play football."

"Why are we wasting time on such nonsense with no evidence?" Lisa said. "I'm too busy theorizing what myself from a 56th dimension of a Sodium-based Universe is creating more universe by pouring a bowl of cereal."

"Lisa's sort of right." Lori said as she skims through her phone. "I mean who cares how we handle this. Heck, pretty much everyone on this site doesn't care."

"You do have a point there." Lincoln tapped his chin. "There are lots of people on here that doesn't care about Bible laws, I mean have you seen how many of them ship us with …. Each other..." Lincoln nearly threw up, but held it in the best he could. "But we still need to do something with Bobby."

"Have him be the bringer of hope." Lori smiled. "Just like the real Bobby Boo Boo Bear!"

"Poo Poo!" Lily babbled as he held up an open Bible showing the book of Job.

"Say, can I see that." Luna took the book. "I want to see what it really says about ho…..ho…. No short hair for women!? And I need to wear a hat!? ….. Is this Old Testament stuff, or I dunno."

"Well Lincoln, we're stuck with this and Bobby." Lynn said as Leni began to ponder. "We have to have him do something."

"But what?" Lincoln asked. "The original has a good moment here that doesn't really lean to one side or the other. Unless we have Bobby leave now."

"Oh no you don't!" Lori growled as Leni had an idea. "Bobby will have a role in this no matter what!"

"And send!" Leni gave somebody a script. "I've written both Bobby and Ronnie Anne out of the story."

"WHAT?!" shouted Lori and Lincoln.

"Lincoln doesn't want to have any love drama and Lori wants Bobby to have a role. So I send them away to the city where Bobby can work at the family's grocery store and Ronnie Anne can have her own show. Everybody will love it!"

* * *

Bobby suddenly vanished out of thin air, literally.

"Huh!?" Lincoln gasped as he looks around.

Elsewhere, Ronnie Anne was walking home until she found herself in the middle of the city. "What the-" She nearly walked onto a busy street. "The heck am I?!" She turned around to see three kids. "Who are you!?"

"We are your friends….." they all said in union.

Ronnie ran off and noticed the familiar market. "My grandparents store?!" She ran inside to see Bobby at the counter. "What are we doing here!?"

Bobby shrugged.

"And where's Dad?!"

"He's either dead or divorced." Ronnie Anne's mother showed up. "I've been raising you myself, remember?"

"GHOST!" The two kids shouted and then faint. The mother looked around and just shrugged.

* * *

"And done." Leni smiled with pride. "Not only does Lincoln not have to deal with his girlfriend right now, but now she's going to have a spinoff. I am such a good writer. Isn't that right Lori?" Leni turned to Lori, who looks a little off to her. "Lori, is something the matter ….. Oh my gosh, you have rabies! I'll call 911 and-"

 **End of Chapter**


End file.
